I want to do everything

modified 01/10/2023 00:10

I want to do everything. I want to learn languages. I want to learn math. I want to learn piano. I want to learn photography. I want to become really good at programming. I want to read more philosophy. I want to learn chess. I want to paint. I want to meditate. I want to think more. I want to travel, to eat new food, to see new places, to see new faces.

I want to do everything at once so much I don’t even know what to start with – so I’m not really doing anything.

I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to commit to something. I know that if I want to be good at something, I’d have to give it all of my time – be fully absorbed by it. I don’t want to be mediocre. I’d have to go all the way. Perhaps that’s toxic – perhaps I could just enjoy some things as hobbies. But that would only distract me from my main thing.

I want to do one thing, and do everything – all at the same time.

Maybe the fact that I’m even thinking about this means that programming is not my thing. Maybe if it were, I’d give it all of my time without thinking about trying something else. I’d be happy for programming to be my thing, without even thinking of regretting not trying something else.

What if Newton stopped at alchemy? I’m not Newton, but what if I could be? Am I depriving the world of a Newton by not trying different things? Or by not working hard enough at the one thing I happen to love right now?