Kokoro by Natsume Soseki

modified 20/04/2024 23:55

There is no such thing as a stereotype bad man in this world. Under normal conditions, everybody is more or less good, or, at least, ordinary. But tempt them, and they may suddenly change.

Kokoro is a book about the regret one bears for not doing what he thinks is right, and the changes it brings into one’s life. For a bit of context, the book is essentially made up of 2 parts, the first of which tells how the narrator and Sensei met, as well as going in depth into the narrator’s life and personality up to the death of his father, where he’ll have to make an important decision. The second part is Sensei’s confession to the narrator about his past, which is actually what the entire first half built up to.

Essentially, Sensei is a man who lost all hope because of the regret he is bearing. In his youth, he and his friend (K) fell in love with the same girl, and when K confessed to him his love for her, Sensei was too afraid to do the same, so he bullied K out of his love and married the girl, which in turn has made his friend kill himself.

Sensei, however wasn’t a bad person. Most of the time, he knew that he wasn’t doing the right thing, and, oftentimes, had impulses to do otherwise. But he was too afraid to follow them, either because it would’ve hurt his ego or require him to compromise.

The regret of “killing” his friend has therefore changed him. He let his past self define who he was, and this changed his entire life, making him afraid of pouring his heart out to the only person in the world who would’ve understood him – his wife motivating it by thinking that it would somehow “destroy her purity” ??? (obviously – bullshit. If there’s one person that deserved to know the truth – it was her) His confession and suicide can be viewed as him finally getting over his fears, but up to that point, the shadow of regret followed him around, and made him close inside himself.

Perhaps to some it might seem a manifestation of masculinity. Sensei was being a man, since he chose to bear the pain alone, and avoided placing the burden of suffering on his wife (I’m sure she would’ve felt guilty of making K fall in love with her or something) even after his death (he mentioned in the letter to the narrator that he doesn’t want his wife to know the truth). If anything, this just goes out to show how toxic such mentality is.

What I’ve come out of reading this is the following: always do what you believe is right, even if doing so means suffering, sacrifice or uncertainty. The suffering from consciously not doing the right thing is going to be many times worse, and the regret will follow you until the end of your life (if you let it).

The other thing, which is just as important – do not give up hope, and don’t let your past self define your current self. You can always change, and while you cannot change your past, you can own your mistakes and act in the present.

I think this was a good read. I’m looking forward to the rest of Soseki’s books.